Breaking News: Secret Agreement Between Trump and Castros

Havana, November 27, 2016

With Fidel Castro’s death, documents from the Castro regime have been declassified, revealing clandestine meetings and agreements between the Communist Cuban government and American presidential candidates.

After the U.S. political conventions, Fidel and Raul Castro met with each of the nominees at a secret retreat near Guantanamo Bay. The candidates were brought to the location via small aircraft on days during which they were officially “taking a break from campaigning.”

The declassified documents, however, harken all the way back to the Reagan administration. With his apparent “victory” over Communism, President Reagan considered loosening the trade embargo with the island nation. But, in a shocking revelation, Castro, through an emissary, requested that Reagan keep the embargoes intact.

In a declassified letter to Raul dated July 7, 1987 (just weeks after Reagan’s “Tear Down the Wall” speech), Fidel implies that the embargo helped keep him in power by maintaining the “imperialist enemy conflict.”

It wasn’t until the Obama administration, with death near, that Fidel relented to America’s ongoing wishes of normalized relations.

The meetings with the presidential candidates took place with that history as background.

Jaw-Dropping Revelation

The most surprising revelation from the declassified documents is that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton actually agreed on Cuban policy. Trump had previously investigated real estate deals in Cuba’s resort areas and wanted free trade to come about as soon as possible, although he, of course, was forced to take a hardline stand publicly. Clinton, on the other hand, didn’t care that much about Cuba, and fluctuated on an almost daily basis as her advisors cautioned her on the ramifications among Hispanic voters should she come down on one side or the other. However, among the emails from her private server is one from her to President Obama saying “Please open doors with Cuba ASAP. Socialism cannot come to U.S. fast enough.”

Meanwhile, a photograph was uncovered in Fidel’s private files showing Donald Trump, castro_trump_dukeFidel and, of all people, David Duke, smoking cigars in a Cuban strip club.

In a statement to the American people, Raul Castro said, “You are such idiots. Why do you believe such blatantly false news stories that appear on your capitalist Internet?”

Yeah, why do we?

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