Author Archives: markhal

Entry 841: Stupid FAQ–Oscar Edition

Well, tomorrow’s the big night when we’ll finally find out what everybody’s wearing to the Academy Awards. It’s the perfect time to answer some of the questions my readers haven’t asked. Q: How come the movie Roma doesn’t feature any … Continue reading

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Entry 840: Souvenir T-Shirts By Versace

Around 1960, when I was a kid, a new theme park opened in the Bronx. It was called Freedom Land USA, and it was billed as a fun way for the family to learn all about American history. My parents … Continue reading

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Entry 838: A Dress Unknown

From time to time, I’ve written about the stupidity of school dress codes. Usually, such posts appear in the spring, because that’s when teenagers shed their puffy cocoons and emerge as beautiful H&M butterflies, wearing outfits their teachers deem too … Continue reading

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Entry 837: This Is Not a Sales Post

Americans are idiots. If you need any evidence of this beyond our current president, look no further than the telemarketing industry. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are about 190,000 people employed in telemarketing and, based on my … Continue reading

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Entry 836: It’s Only $49 a Leg

I recently wrote about how I lost over 50 pounds in six months and created a large pile of clothing donations for needy obese men. In that post, I mentioned only in passing that, much to the dismay of my … Continue reading

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Entry 835: Two Things that Will Definitely Stop Gun Violence in America*

Regular readers of this blog know that the NRA would absolutely hate me if it knew I existed. I frequently rant about gun violence; the insanity that prevents the country from having stronger gun laws; and the absurd amount of … Continue reading

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Entry 834: This Post is Dedicated to My Wife

Today I would like to address one of my wife’s pet peeves. It is not, by any means, Barbara’s only pet peeve, but it’s one of the few that does not involve me. Barbara has a big problem with people … Continue reading

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