It has just come to my attention via a video clip from The Rachael Ray Show that Teddy Roosevelt once had a live badger thrown at him. Teddy Roosevelt then adopted the badger, and it spent the next four years angrily rambling about in the oval office.
These days, we already have somebody angrily rambling about in the oval office, and he seems to be spending much of his time badgering people, particularly the media. And it got me to thinking…
…what would President Trump do if somebody threw a badger at him?
Sure, the easy answer is “Deport the badger.” But he wouldn’t be able to do that if it was an American badger, which really is a kind of badger, as opposed to the Syrian badger, which would be on the next plane out of here.
I’d like to think President Trump would give the badger to Kellyanne Conway, who would immediately have it arrested for its part in the Groundhog Day Massacre, even though there’s no reason why a badger would have anything to do with a Groundhog Day massacre if, in fact, there had ever been a Groundhog Day massacre, which, of course, there wasn’t, not even in Sweden. Except that I imagine President Trump might have vaguely remembered Groundhog Day-related bloodshed which, upon further review, turned out to be that time New York City Mayor DiBlasio was taking part in a Groundhog Day ceremony and dropped the groundhog on its head, which is something that really happened, as evidenced by the photo above.
So I’m thinking President Trump would have mentioned that to Kellyanne when he gave her the badger, promising her it was a really great badger, maybe the best ever, and Kellyanne would have gotten things mixed up a little.
And thus ends my President’s Day tale.