Jeez, I’d hate to be Mark Zuckerberg.
Although he is the wealthiest of “The Three Marks” (Zuckerberg, Cuban and Hallen), Mark Cuban seems to be enjoying himself more, and Mark Hallen (that’s me) doesn’t have to spend nearly as much time as Zuckerberg paying attention to social media.
And then there was this headline two weeks ago:
Mark Zuckerberg’s Net Worth Drops $3.7 Billion in After-hours Trading
I don’t know about you, but if that happened to me, I might be a tad upset. For one thing, it would mean I’d suddenly be more than $3.699 billion dollars in debt.
But worse than that, it happened after hours. That means poor Mark Z. probably went out to dinner, secure in the belief that the markets had closed and his $54,400,000,000 net worth was safe for yet another day and then, perhaps during dessert, he learned that Facebook stock had dropped 7% and he was out $3.7 billion.
Boy, that could put a crimp in your creme brulee!
Does someone like Zuckerberg lose sleep when something like that happens? Well, let me put it in perspective. If you had $100, the same percentage loss would mean about $6.80. I don’t think that would be too troubling. If you had $10,000, you would have lost about $680. Is that more or less worrisome?
If Mark Cuban lost 6.8% of his measly $3.3 billion net worth, he’d be out a bit over $224 million. That seems more dire to me somehow. But I think that’s because I instinctively know that $224 million is a shitload of money, but the $3.076 billion he’d be left with is so far beyond my imagination, it might as well be infinity.
And think of this: Mark Zuckerberg lost Mark Cuban’s entire net worth…over night!*
In the immortal words of Vizzini in The Princess Bride: “Inconceivable!”
Last January, when the Powerball jackpot was over $1.5 billion, I wrote about what a normal person might do with their winnings of $561.7 million after-tax dollars. The bottom line was that folks like you and me (assuming Marks Zuckerberg and Cuban aren’t reading this) can’t even think of ways to spend that much money. And $561.7 million is only about 1% of Zuckerberg’s net worth…after he took the $3.7 billion loss!
See what I mean? Those amounts of money are simply incomprehensible.
I reported recently that Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan had announced that they were investing lots of money toward the curing of all diseases. Does something like that $3.7 billion hit mean they might leave an illness such as kuru** untouched?
Look, money isn’t everything, and I do have a loving family and a cute dog. On the other hand, don’t you think Mr. Zuckerberg should help out a fellow Mark by tossing, let’s say, .003% of his net worth my way?
See you soon.
P.S. This post involved me doing lots of math, so there may be errors. In fact, there are likely to be errors. If I was better at math, I might not need .003% of Mark Zuckerberg’s net worth. And, come on, Mark Z.–that’s just two million dollars (I think)! You lost way more than that just while you were putting the napkin on your lap.
*I’d like to briefly mention the wisdom of yet another Mark: Burnett. He’s the producer of the TV show Shark Tank, which has Mark Cuban as one of its “sharks.” Can you imagine if Mark Burnett had cast Mark Zuckerberg instead of Mark Cuban? The entire show might be Zuckerberg saying, “$500,000? Sure. Next!”
**Kuru is a fatal disease that is confined to the Fore tribe of New Guinea, and which came about as a result of cannibalism. If anyone reading this has kuru or has lost a loved one to the condition, I apologize for the reference. And please don’t eat me.