Entry 584: Upper Births

My wife Barbara would really like to start having grandchildren.

One of our friends had a grandchild recently and was proudly passing the poor kid around to all the other women in the room, and Barbara was like, “I want one of those.”

Personally, I could take it or leave it. I’m not a big baby person. Even when my own daughter Casey was a baby, I struggled to find much to get excited about. Don’t get me wrong: I loved her and still do. It’s just that we didn’t have much in common back then. She didn’t seem to share my sense of humor, and didn’t exhibit any of the prerequisites for playing games, such as the ability to sit up. She enjoyed it when I laid on my back and held her in the air above me, and that was good for about a minute and a half or until she threw up in my face, whichever came first. But beyond that, my attitude was, “Let’s get together when you can talk.”

I think most men are like that.

Women are the opposite. When the kid starts moving and speaking, women are ready to trade them in for another baby.

In any case, if Barbara does have a grandchild, I think I should get something out of it, too. cebu_pacific[1]Which brings me to a baby named Haven.

Haven was born on board a Cebu Pacific flight from Dubai to Manila. The cabin crew, along with two passengers who happened to be registered nurses, assisted with the birth. This, I’m guessing, gave a whole new meaning to the term “in-flight entertainment.”

The plane was then diverted to Hyderabad, India so that mother and daughter could receive medical attention (they’re fine), which meant that the overall duration of the trip was doubled. On the plus side, though, everyone could purchase a “Hyderbad City of Nawabs” throw pillow at the airport gift shop.*

2118_-_coloured_hyderabad_cushion_cover[1]Obviously, very much unlike the rest of the passengers on the flight, Haven arrived early. Five weeks early, in fact.

The event inspired the airline to make the following announcement:

“To celebrate this momentous occasion in the life of one of our passengers, Cebu awards baby Haven one million GetGo points, which she can use to fly with us for free.”

Better yet, the points will never expire and can be shared with her family.

That gave me an idea.

We could encourage Casey to have our grandchild on a flight and then, as members of her family, we’d get to fly for free all during our retirement years!

Now, granted, this plan has a few drawbacks. First, I don’t know if all airlines have theavaintageairlinewing227[1]same policy. For all I know, if you give birth aboard a Delta flight, all you get are a pair of those souvenir wings. I wouldn’t even be surprised if they made you pay full fare for the baby (“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’re only allowed one carry-on.”)

Second, if only Cebu Pacific awards maternity miles, there’s the issue that Cebu Pacific flies mostly to places I’ve never heard of, like (and I’m not making these up) Dhaka, Tiruchirapalli, Bacolod, Yangon, Krabi and Ningbo, the last of which I’m pretty sure was a planet in one of the Star Wars movies.

They do fly to Australia, and that would be a nice place to visit, but in order to use our Cebu Pacific miles to fly there for free, we’d first have to get somewhere that Cebu Pacific flies out of, and you have to fly for about three days just to get somewhere that Cebu Pacific flies out of.

The airline does list one destination in the United States, but it’s Guam, which I don’t really think of as being part of the United States, and which, if I’m being honest, sounds like something I’d want to wipe off my hands.

By now I’m sure all you mothers out there are shouting at this post, screaming the biggest reason why my scheme should not be implemented: no one should be flying in the third trimester. Okay, okay. Stop yelling. Of course, you’re right.

And since I really don’t want one million Amtrak miles, I guess I’ll can this whole idea.

Or, to use another of Cebu Pacific’s destinations (and I hope I’m pronouncing this right): Phuket.

See you soon.

*In case you’re thinking about traveling to Hyderbad in order to purchase one of the nawabs for which the city is famous (at least according to its throw pillows), you should know that, according to Wikipedia, a nawab is:

an honorific title ratified and bestowed by the reigning Mughal emperor to semi-autonomous Muslim rulers of princely states in South Asia. “Nawab” usually refers to males; the female equivalent is “begum” or “nawab begum”.

Good luck getting one of those through customs!

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