Entry 558: You Won’t Believe this Jaw-Dropping, Eye-Popping Post

I’m finding it very difficult to write today because my mouth hurts so much.

Tex-Avery-wolf-dog[1]Nobody has punched me, and I don’t have any dental problems (that I know of). My mouth hurts because my jaw has dropped so many times.

In fact, my jaw has dropped so often that there is a growing chin-shaped dent beneath my desk chair. You can imagine how painful it is to have the top of my mouth up here at, well, mouth level while the bottom is at my feet.

On the plus side, this state of affairs makes it much easier to indulge in one of my favorite activities, putting my foot in my mouth. On the other hand, I don’t like the bald spot that has developed in my beard from my chin dragging on the ground.

When I go outside, I worry about chipmunks scampering into my gaping orifice.

I keep picking my jaw up, but then eventually I look at the Internet again, and it falls right back down.

How could it not? There are just so many jaw-dropping things online!

  • Man Lists Jaw-dropping 3,133-piece Video Game Collection for $150
  • Jaw-dropping Rare Photos of Amazing People in History
  • Jaw Dropping Female Lead Guitarists That Rock Hard!
  • Nicki Minaj Bares Serious Cleavage in Jaw-dropping Bra Selfie
  • These Ladies Get in ‘Formation’ with Jaw-dropping Tap Dance Routine
  • Melissa Joan Hart Shows off Weight Loss in Jaw-dropping Bikini Photo
  • Hostels with Jaw-dropping Rooftops
  • Jaw-dropping Snaps as Tourist Poses with 6ft Crocodile
  • 23 Jaw-dropping Photos of UFC Champion Miesha Tate
  • The Most Jaw-dropping TED Talks

CNET really wants to turn me into a leering cartoon character with this headline:

The Lacie Chrome Desktop Drive Blends Eye-popping Style with a Jaw-dropping Price

07[1]How do they expect someone to recover from protruding peepers and plummeting chins? And what does “jaw-dropping price” even mean? Is it surprisingly low or surprisingly high? (It turns out the price is $1,499, which seems a bit steep for one terabyte of storage, especially when you consider the ocular damage it can cause.)

You won’t believe how popular the term “jaw-dropping” is in web teasers. And you know what else you won’t believe?

  • You Won’t Believe These 25 Women Actually Exist Around the World
  • You Won’t Believe These 10 Kids Actually Exist!
  • You Won’t Believe These 10 Unusual Twins Exist
  • You Won’t Believe These 17 Bizarre Historical Images Actually Happened
  • You Won’t Believe These 60 Insane Photos Aren’t Photoshopped
  • You Won’t Believe These 10 Amazing Finds Are from Ikea
  • You Won’t Believe It’s Gluten-free!
  • You Won’t Believe These 12 Hit Songs Were Passed up
  • You Won’t Believe What These 30 Bond Girls Look like Now.
  • You Won’t Believe These 12 Unusual Hotels Actually Exist
  • You Won’t Believe What Dangerous Substance Sent 8 Planned Parenthood Staffers to the Hospital.

FF6-cat-eyes[1]As with the jaw-dropping, eye-popping CNET headline above, sometimes the folks who come up with these shockingly stupefying teasers go a little too far by combining over-promises. How about this one:

Jaw Dropping Titanic Facts You Won’t Believe

I just had to click on that, if for no other reason than to find out whether the jaw-dropping, unbelievable facts were about the ill-fated ocean liner or just incredibly large facts. Here is one of them:

R.M.S. stands for both “Royal Merchant Ship” and “Royal Mail Steamer”. At that time, all ships that sailed under the British flag, both military and civilian, carried the letters “R.M.S.”

You know what? Call me gullible, but I have no trouble believing that. And I’m someone who still can’t believe it’s not butter!

Anyway, I’ll see you soon, with a post that will blow your mind!*

*Or possibly not.

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One Response to Entry 558: You Won’t Believe this Jaw-Dropping, Eye-Popping Post

  1. Pingback: Entry 569: Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself… | The Upsizers

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