THIS JUST IN! In shocking news that has absolutely nothing to do with the title of this post, Eugena Washington has been crowned the 2016 Playboy Playmate of the Year. This was a huge surprise, because no one knew they were still naming Playboy Playmates of the Year. More shocking still, Playboy Magazine is evidently still a thing. And, in a stunning turn of events, they actually publish it on paper!
That’s not to say Playboy hasn’t adapted to the times. They no longer do full frontals, for instance, in acknowledgment that full frontals are positively G-Rated compared to what teenaged boys can find on the Internet for free, although there is the cost of screen wipes to consider.
I do have a question, though. What do today’s young men have on their walls? What is 2016’s version of that Farrah Fawcett poster everyone had back in…whenever it was? Or do kids just stream Pornhub onto their large screen 3D TVs and press pause?
And what about auto mechanics? Do they still publish those calendars with the women lounged provocatively on the hoods of cars? Or do today’s grease monkeys have to download suggestive photos into Outlook?
Anyway, congratulations to Ms. Washington for beating out her competition for this coveted title. I guess Ted Cruz just can’t win anything this year.
Now, onto the actual subject of this post. Apple is reported to be on the verge of shutting down iTunes. Apple doesn’t want us downloading music anymore. Instead, they want us to stream it on a subscription basis or some such thing.
Anyway, I’m too old to start listening to music in a new way. I’ve spent my entire life skipping from one format to another: LPs, 8-tracks, cassettes, CDs, MP3s, iTunes. Every time something new comes along, I have to evaluate the music I have (“Really? I liked Melanie?”) and decide what I want to re-purchase on the new format so that I don’t have to be accosted on the street by kids asking about the large box hanging from my belt with the little wheels turning inside. I threw out all my cassettes, but I think there may still be hundreds of CDs in my basement, even though at some point my wife and daughter coerced me into getting an iPod by offering to upload all of them onto my computer.
If only I had refused their offer and never opened that iPod; there’s one on eBay now (Mint in Box) with an asking price northwards of $14,000.00.
I don’t know why I didn’t throw out the CDs after they were uploaded. I think it’s because I don’t truly trust digital stuff. I don’t believe it’s really there. Sure, that sounds like The White Album, but it’s really just a bunch of ones and zeros, and it’s all one electromagnetic pulse away from disappearing. And when that happens, boy, will I have the last laugh! All you “early adapters” will have nothing except blank hard drives but I’ll still have all my CDs! Probably the only thing I’ll be able to play them on is my daughter’s 2009 Honda Accord, and the whole world will have descended into chaos, but HAH! anyway.
In any case, I refuse to take on another monthly subscription. We already have Netflix, Hulu and satellite radio. I have, like, 8,000 songs on iTunes. That’s enough.
There will be no more music for me.
See you soon.