Well there’s bad news for Nipsey Hussle…and me.
According to TMZ:
Nipsey Hussle dodged charges for his sizzurp arrest by copping a plea for his suspended license charge … and the end result is a couple days behind bars.
“A couple days behind bars?” Big deal. It’s much worse for me. Because, with this news, I can officially announce that I have somehow become completely disassociated with pop culture. I am culturally dead.
In spite of my advanced age, I’ve always thought I sort of knew what was going on. I’m not saying I was cool. I’ve never been cool, even when I was of an age when cool was possible.
I’ve mostly been lukewarm. There was a month–in 1974, I think–when I approached tepidness.
However, even once I turned sixty, if you mentioned the name of someone who was currently trending, I could usually say with some truthfulness that I’d heard of that person. I might not have been able to tell you if they were a singer, an actor, or someone on an MTV reality show. I might not have been able to identify that person in a line-up (which is how they often appeared), but the name would have sounded at least vaguely familiar.
Similarly, if you provided a list of seemingly random words, I could, with a fair amount of accuracy, tell you which ones were referring to a drug, a style of street dancing, an alt rock group, or a brand of whatever it is people use with e-cigarettes.
I didn’t try to keep up with this stuff; I just sort of absorbed it via media osmosis.
But with this shocking news from TMZ about Nipsey Hussle and his sizzurp arrest, I must wave the white flag and admit that I have never heard of Mr. Hussle or his sizzurp.
While I’m sure Nipsey is devastated upon hearing that I, a 62-year-old fat, bald, suburban, white, Jewish man has never heard of him, I think he’ll be happy to know that I instantly had a positive feeling about him simply because of an assumption on my part that he has chosen his name to pay homage to 1970’s professional game show celebrity Nipsey Russell. On the other hand, if Nipsey Hussle is his real name, or if his selection of it is entirely coincidental and he has never heard of Nipsey Russell, then I don’t think that highly of him, whoever he is.
In any case, it’s not like I would ever spend time hanging out with him, drinking or smoking or shooting up or whatever the hell one does with sizzurp. I’m assuming here that sizzurp is an illegal substance of some sort since he was arrested for having it, but, really, for all I know, “sizzurp” could be hip hop slang for a weapon of some kind, even though it would sound silly for a gang member to say, “Don’t move, I’ve got my sizzurp pointed at you.”
I realize that I’m making some other assumptions, too. That Nipsey Hussle is black, for one thing. And that he’s a rapper. Geez, if I posted this and it turned out that Nipsey Hussle is a Mormon banker from Provo, Utah and sizzurp is another word for embezzling, boy would I look foolish.
To avoid that potential embarrassment, I scrolled slightly down the TMZ page to find this picture, which pretty much derails the Mormon banker train of thought. I can only hope he is enjoying some degree of financial success so he can afford better dental work in the future, not to mention an assistant to carry all those chains for him.
As for sizzurp, I looked that up, too, and it turns out that kids today are being much more creative with their recreational drugs than we were back in Nipsey Russell’s day. Evidently, sizzurp is a mixture of cough syrup with codeine, soda and Jolly Rancher candy “for color and extra sweetness.”
It sounds nauseating to me, but now that I am culturally deceased, nobody cares what I think.
See you soon.