I’m always fascinated with advertising this time of year. And I have questions about some of the promotions:
1. Why does an actress dreamily going about her day make a particular perfume desirable? And since the idea is to get a man to buy that scent for a woman, isn’t his gift actually saying “Here’s some perfume, honey, but I’d really like to be with Nicole Kidman right now.”
2. What the hell is a chocolate diamond? People like diamonds because they’re all sparkly, not because they look delicious. I had a suspicion that chocolate diamonds were the result of a bunch of diamond marketers sitting in a room and saying, “We’ve got all these ugly brown diamonds that nobody wants. Is there any way we can get idiot men to buy them?” So I looked it up and found this on Wikipedia:
Brown diamonds are the most common color variety of natural diamonds. The brown color once made them less attractive as gemstones because of the reduced glimmer, and most are used for industrial purposes; however, improved marketing programs, especially in Australia and the United States, have resulted in brown diamonds becoming valued as gemstones in recent years and even referred to as chocolate diamonds.
I love it when I’m right.
4. Do lots of people really give automobiles as Christmas gifts?
5. Where do you go to get the huge ribbons people in commercials put on cars? Why don’t we see advertising for stores like Humongous Ribbon Depot? I might give someone a car if I knew where to get the ribbon.
6. Have you noticed that all the promos for TV series are shouting about “Winter Finales” or “Fall Finales?” We used to only have Season Finales and Series Finales, but now we have finales all year round. One show even promoted the “last episode before the fall finale.” Do they believe that we’ll watch a fall finale if we wouldn’t have watched an ordinary episode? Are they thinking, “Gee, Mark has never watched an episode of The Good Wife, but I bet he’ll watch a winter finale!” When they say “winter finale,” it tells me two things:
- A. Winter is here.
- B. I ain’t seeing another new episode of that show until February.
7. You know the M&Ms Christmas commercial that has been airing for a decade, where the red M&M meets Santa Claus and the red M&M says “He does exist,” and Santa says “They do exist,” and then they both faint? Why is there an M&Ms Christmas commercial? Do people give them as gifts?
8. Has anyone ever purchased an electric shaver at any time of year except Christmas and Father’s Day? Has anyone ever actually wanted one?
9. The Best Buy holiday slogan of “Win the Holidays” is interesting, don’t you think? It’s saying that gift-giving is a competition. And it means that someone is going to lose, right? I’m betting it’s the guy who shops for his wife at Home Depot.
10. So the Hess Truck’s back, and you don’t even have to go to a Hess gas station to get one. Which is just as well, because it’s been years since the Hess truck had anything to do with delivering gasoline. There was the Hess truck carrying a helicopter, and the Hess truck carrying a jet plane, for instance. This year it’s a fire truck…you know, in case one of the old trucks catches fire with all that fuel inside. Here’s my question: although the commercials have kids singing and playing with the trucks, do any of them wind up in kids’ hands, or are they all kept in a closet, Mint in Box?
Happy holidays, and see you soon.