Entry 493: Somewhere Over the Doritos

Free-Coca-Cola[1]One of the biggest marketing trends in recent years has been in affinity products–packaging that appeals to consumers’ interests in case one of those interests doesn’t happen to be the actual product.

One of the first categories in this area were credit cards, which began offering designs with fishing and hunting motifs years agocard. In the New York area, Dunkin’ Donuts offers donuts frosted in the colors of the Giants or Jets, which is fine, I guess, if you don’t mind blue or green donuts. Bud Lite now has a series of NFL cans (one for each team), and Coke even has a bottle with your name on it, unless your name is D’Brickashaw.

But Doritos has topped them all. It has introduced tortilla chips aligned to your sexual identity.

Congratulations, all you gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender snackers. You’ve got Rainbow Doritos!

doritosRainbow Doritos are being sold to benefit the It Gets Better Project®, which helps LGBT youth. How horrible is that? I mean, life can be tough enough for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens without forcing them to eat Doritos.

And not just any Doritos. Purple, blue, yellow, orange and green Doritos. Yum!

I know what you’re thinking: Are the blue ones like the blue corn tortilla chips I see at Whole Foods? The answer is no. These are colored more like the blue Slurpees you see at 7-Eleven.  And I seriously doubt that this particular blue hue comes from corn.

You may be wondering what flavor rainbow Doritos is. Or are. Are they nacho cheese? almondCool ranch? Cheese and almond? (An actual flavor in Japan)? Or are they the first fruit-flavored tortilla chips, in grape, orange, lime, lemon and, um, blue flavor?

Well, according to the website, they are bold flavored. Here’s what it says:

“We are honored to partner with the It Gets Better Project® to create our boldest chip yet. Each bag brings rainbow-colored chips inside and an inspiring quote on the outside.”

Yessir, every bite is just drenched in daring and brimming with bravado! They are boldly challenging you to decide on an appropriate dip for purple chips!

I don’t know, maybe Rainbow Doritos aren’t meant to be consumed. Maybe they’re intended to be collectible, to be kept “mint in bag” and resold later on eBay.

Wait! Mint! Maybe that’s what flavor the green ones are!

As I’ve previously mentioned in this blog, my first instinct regarding any do-good initiative undertaken by a major American corporation is to be cynical. Such was the case, for instance, when Embassy Suites announced it’s Green Choices, Green Rewards Program, wherein it would give you credit on your food bill in exchange for sleeping in your own filth.

So I couldn’t help noticing that the web page for purchasing Rainbow Doritos (they’re only available online) does not contain any of the following words: gay, lesbian, bisexual,  (continued below the screen grab)

screen

transgender. (It also doesn’t have the word “healthy,” but that’s another issue entirely.)

Yes, it does mention the organization that is getting support from sales of Rainbow Doritos, but not what it does, or what segment of the citizenry it benefits.

That seems like an odd oversight, wouldn’t you say? Unless Doritos was afraid of backlash from its core audience, which I’m guessing is exactly the opposite of LGBT, or at least trying to appear as though it is.

Of course, you might say, “Well, who else would Rainbow Doritos be for?”

The answer is obvious: people who will eat absolutely anything.

See you soon.

P.S. Might I suggest that, if you want to taste the rainbow, you should buy some Skittles. If 1355192341_Skittles[1]you really want to help the LGBT community through the It Gets Better Project®, why not donate directly on its home page and skip the multi-colored munchies?

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