Entry 477: But What Were Harry Potter’s SAT Scores?

Boy, am I pissed!

We paid $40,000 a year to send our daughter Casey to the Rhode Island School of Design Dhogwarts[1]when it turns out we could have sent her to Hogwarts for free!

This was revealed recently when J.K. Rowling tweeted an answer to someone’s question, presumably about financial aid:

@jk_rowling–There’s no tuition fee. The Ministry of Magic covers the cost of all magical education!

Well, now she tells us! We spent all that dough for a fancy schmancy art college when we could have put that money toward our retirement and sent Casey to a school that would have taught her an actual trade!

Granted, Hogwarts might be a tad more difficult to get into, like that American free school of wizardry, Cooper Union. All Casey had to do to get into RISD was draw a bicycle,risd

whereas, to be accepted to Hogwarts, she would have probably had to fly a bicycle.* (Results of RISD entrance exam shown above.)

But Hogwarts would have offered so many advantages over RISD:

1. I’m guessing the Hogwarts Express out of King’s Cross Station is a helluva lot more trainreliable than Amtrak out of Stamford.

2. Besides tuition costs, we could have saved a ton of money by having a daughter who could have remodeled our kitchen with a wave of a wand.

3. Casey’s wedding last year at the Norwalk Aquarium might have been even more unusual than it actually was, especially if Casey’s younger cousins, who were enamored with the open bar as it was, discovered firewhiskey.

4. Perhaps Casey could have brought home a Marauder’s Map for our house, so I could Hippogriff[1]always know where our puppy is.

5. Speaking of which, we love our puppy, Riley, but how cool would it be to walk a hippogriff around the neighborhood!

On the other hand, even though it would have been free, I can see how we might have had issues with Hogwarts:

  1. macfarlane[1]We wouldn’t have cool and collectible t-shirts designed by Seth McFarlane (a RISD alumni).
  2. Casey, who is about as unathletic as a person can be, might have suffered a horrible injury at her first quidditch practice.
  3. She might have fallen in with a bad Slytherin crowd.
  4. Three words: “butterbeer binge drinking.”
  5. I would not be able to understand anything Casey says due to her British accent.
  6. All our mail would have talon tears.
  7. I don’t know if Kevin, our pest control guy, would be able to get flitterby moths out of our Portrait_of_wailing_egyptians[1]closets.
  8. Instead of having wonderful artwork by Casey’s RISD friends in our home, we might have portraits that make snide comments about our choice in television programming.
  9. I might have to buy He Who Shall Not Be Named insurance.
  10. April Fool’s Day and a daughter with an invisibility cloak.

Given all that, maybe RISD was the better choice for Casey. She has great friends from college, and she seems happy with the career she has.

And one day, she’ll go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios and bring me back a Gryffindor shirt.

See you soon

ETPosterBigMoonOriginal1982-Tsr2[1]*No, wait, that was E.T.

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