GUARANTEE: The following is all true.
I know all my readers will join me in offering a heartfelt gratulacje! to the people of the Kingdom of Enclava, the world’s newest country.
I say gratulacje so as to speak in one of Enclava’s official languages, Polish, although I might have chosen Slovenian, Croatian or Chinese, which are also official languages of Enclava. Or I could have just said “Congratulations,” since English, too, is an official language, but then I wouldn’t have had the enjoyment of using Google Translator.
The Kingdom of Enclava is a constitutional monarchy, just like Great Britain, only without parliament. And citizens.
Actually, I shouldn’t say that. Enclava has a number of citizens, all of whom appear to be part of the government. For instance, it has a King named, rather optimistically, Enclav I (that’s him at right wearing the Kingdom’s jewel-encrusted, Photoshopped crown). There’s also a Prime Minister, Lady Annemarijn Tamminga, who, according to her Facebook page, has something in common with my daughter Casey: an inexplicable love for the TV show Supernatural.
Enclava is working hard at getting additional, non-governmental citizens. They’re designing an application! They have to be careful not to get too many people, however, because, on the map at left, Enclava is shown actual size.
Hah! Just kidding, of course, although this adorable nation can fit in your average backyard.
But although it’s tiny, Enclava has all the trappings of a real country, including a flag, a coat of arms and a motto: “Civis Totius Mundi,” which is either Latin for “A citizen of the world” or Enclavian for “We’re totally making this up.” On the other hand, it doesn’t have some other necessities of countrydom (or, in this case, kingdomdom), like a currency. It does accept a digital currency, but it’s not even Bitcoin; it’s Dogecoin, which may be the only currency in the history of the world backed by shiba inu dogs.
But Enclava does have the one item that’s essential for being recognized as a sovereign nation these days: a website. This is where we can learn all about the country’s rich history and traditions which are contained in the following paragraph:
Enclava, officially the Kingdom Of Enclava is a self-proclaimed micronation, situated on an unclaimed parcel of land strip at the Croatia–Slovenia border. It was proclaimed on 23 April 2015 by Polish tourist K. Wrona. Brezovica pri Metliki is a village located in the southeastern part of Slovenia, about 50 km air distance from Zagreb, Croatia. Brezovica Žumberacka is a Croatian exclave that is surrounded by the Slovenian village. It is confirmed by both Croatian and Slovenian cadaster maps, although boundary lines slightly differ. Croatia has a second exclave within 400 meters of Brezovica Žumberacka. This exclave would normally be an enclave also, except that neither Slovenia nor Croatia claims one parcel of land that adjoins the exclave. If Slovenia were to claim the parcel, Croatia’s exclave would become an enclave as well. As it is, the exclave is bordered by Slovenia and The Kingdom Of Enclava (Ex Terra Nullius).
That paragraph tells me two things:
- Enclava is one of the world’s only clave-based nations.
- Perhaps the rulers of Enclava should drop English as one of its official languages.
Enclava doesn’t yet have a constitution, but it does sort of have a Bill of Rights and, frankly, it’s a much better Bill of Rights than America’s Bill of Rights, because there are more than double the number of rights. Plus, Enclava hasn’t been around long enough to start ignoring the rights like we have. It’s still a shiny, new, idealistic country that thinks it can get away with a right like “We are all protected by the law. The law is the same for everyone. It must treat us all fairly.” How silly is that?
Also, instead of “the right to bear arms,” Enclava has “the right to joy.” Take that, NRA!
In addition to a King and a Prime Minister, Enclava has a Minister of Foreign Affairs, a Minister of Finance, a Minister of Innovation & Information, a Minister of Science and Charity and a Minister of Infrastructure and Development, all of whom, surprisingly, appear to be different people, and none of whom, not surprisingly, appear to be over the age of 25. They probably don’t need a Minister of the Interior, because what would that be? A guy with a lawnmower? But they should have a Minister of Tourism to officially invite everyone to visit Enclava and experience its excellent 15-minute walking tour…of the entire country. Enclava is one of the few nations on Earth about which you can say, with no hyperbole whatsoever, “I’ve been there and I’ve seen all there is to see.”
You may even consider moving to Enclava since there are no taxes. Instead, Lord Zach Ferrigno, the Minister of Finance, has instituted an original way to generate revenue: Enclava takes donations. In Dogecoin.
And, they hasten to add, donations are non-refundable. You know, in case there’s a coup.
See you soon.