Entry 430 : One Toke Over the (Party) Line

Two places in the U.S. legalized recreational marijuana last week. Of the two, Alaska got the most publicity, but I don’t know why. After all, as reported here in February, Alaska was already the happiest state in the country.

I think it’s much more interesting that Washington legalized pot. Not the state; it was already legal there. I’m talking about the…um…whatever it is…where our leaders hang out. A city? A district? A theme park? An asylum?

Anyway, so weed is legal in Washington DC, which means Vice President Biden may now Biden-1[1]possess up to two ounces for personal use, so who knows what he’ll say or who he’ll grope!

It should be noted, however, that the law does not permit the sale of marijuana. So you can have it, but you can’t get it.

All those interns running around DC shouldn’t start celebrating yet, though. The Constitution gives Congress final say over the city‘s laws, and, as we’re painfully aware, Republicans are not inclined to permit anything that might lead to fun, whether it’s pot or birth control.

General_Martin_E._Dempsey,_CJCS,_official_portrait_2012[1]On the other hand, the GOP might have to acquiesce to demands from the military, and I would think one group who would be heavily in favor of legalized pot would be the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who will now have something to be in charge of.  Here’s a photo of the Chairman, and he certainly looks happy about it.

There’s also the economic factor to consider. With three states and DC now having legalized recreational marijuana and countless others having okayed medical marijuana, pot is now the fastest-growing industry in the U.S.

That wasn’t a joke. It really is, according to industry analyst ArcView Group. In fact, the marijuana industry is growing so fast, it actually has an industry analyst!

But it is hard to believe, isn’t it? I went back and checked my source to make sure there was a hyphen between “fastest” and “growing.” I thought maybe they meant no other crop grows faster, which would make it the fastest industry that involves growing. But, no, there was the small punctuation mark necessary for emoticon noses, stuck right in there between “fastest” and “growing.”

What exactly does that say about the American economy? Has our once mighty nation become just a larger version of your crazy Cousin Jerry, out there all alone and unsupervised on his 100-acre “farm,” with all the outbuildings converted to hydroponics? And what are we, as a country, going to do about it, what with our lawmakers being high all the time? You thought Congress got nothing done last year? Wait until you see what happens when all they care about is making sure the Congressional snack machines don’t run out of Doritos!

In Other Weed-Related News…

…a Colorado company is planning on selling kosher marijuana. According to The New York Post, my source for any news that sounds as though it is being disseminated by your pothead friend Ralph, the Orthodox Union of New York, which runs a kosher certification program, has been contacted by this company to discuss getting “kosher supervision.”
The marijuana would be used in unspecified edible products (“Toasted California Skunk kosher-kush2[1]bagel, please. With a schmear.”) and presumably sold for medical use.

But, who are we kidding? According to a study*, 78% of all medical marijuana sales are ending up in the audience at Dave Matthews concerts. So this kosher cannibis will probably be consumed by the general orthodox Jewish population.

As The Post hastens to point out, this could give a whole new meaning to the term “high holy days.” Really–they said that. It’s why I love The Post like I would love any idiot relative who is occasionally good for a laugh.

I can see this causing some problems, though. For instance, a young child might confront his father after spending several hours searching for the matzoh in that quaint Passover tradition which teaches children that it’s good to earn money in any way they can:

  • Child: I give up! Where did you hide the matzoh, father?
    Father: Oh, sorry. I got the munchies.

Should kosher marijuana come to pass, I do have a question.

What’s the blessing?

See you soon.

*I totally made up this study, but it’s probably fairly accurate.

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