Entry 428: Questions For Our Puppy

We’ve had our Shetland Sheepdog Riley with us about a month now, and I have a few alertquestions for him:

1. Do you really love us that much or is there food on our lips?

2. Shelties are supposed to be really smart. So why haven’t you figured out that you are a growing boy and you now risk head injury when you try to zip under the coffee table while you’re racing around the living room for no apparent reason?

3. Why do you race around the living room for no apparent reason?

4. I know you play with most of your toys, but would you be just as happy with a dish towel toysand a shoelace?

5. You no longer have to share your food with other puppies. So could you stop going on little field trips with each individual nugget of kibble?

6. You’re a herding dog. So why do you like being chased?

7. Why do you have more followers on your Instagram account than I have for my blog? You are a dog. What can you possibly have to say of interest?*

8. Once and for all–can you or can’t you see stuff on the TV?foot

9. That is your food. This is a toe. Got it?

10. Aw, come on, Riley…won’t you sit for daddy?

11. I notice that your tail curls up over your back when you pee, but arcs behind you when you poop. Does that have some evolutionary function in the wild, or are you just going for style points?

12. I admire your ambition, but please realize that you’re a good 2-3 weeks away from being able to jump onto the couch. In the meantime, can you please stop attempting it so that you bounce off the sofa and land on your back?

13. Would you like a pair of cleats or do you enjoy sliding down the hallway on the wood floor?

14. What the hell are you sniffing?

15. Jeez, Riley, should I just throw the toy away and give you the tag?

16. Exactly how fear-inducing do you think that little bark is?

17. Are you actually going to tug on that pull toy or do you just want me to drag you around while you growl?

18. Are you going to let go of my pants cuff or do you just want me to drag you around while you growl?

chico19. I know the chihuahua that came over to play is older than you, but you’re bigger. So could you get off the shelf; it’s embarrassing?

20. It’s your tail, you idiot! It’s attached to you, see?

21. Do you understand why that dog out on the deck disappears when I open the sliding glass door?

22. Do you prefer The New York Post or The New York Times?

23. Which do you like better, squeaky monkey or squeaky squirrel?

24. How do you manage to find every loose thread in the house?squirrel

25. Will you be very disappointed when the ice cube you stashed in the cave you made for yourself under the kitchen table isn’t there later? Or have you already forgotten about it?

26. Please don’t stick your nose through the holes in the gate. Don’t you know you’re a sheltie and your nose will get long enough as it is?

27. What in the world makes you think that’s edible?

28. About all that carrying on after mom gave you a bath…WTF?

29. It’s too friggin’ cold. Can you wait until April to go out?ball

30. Why don’t you understand that I can’t throw the ball again unless you give it back to me?

31A. Can I leave you here for a minute while I go to the bathroom?

31B. Riley? I was just gone a minute. Where did you go?

31C. What are you doing in there?

32. You’re a good boy, Riley, but we’re running out of newspaper. Can’t you finish before I pick it up?**

33. Aren’t you tired yet?

34. Mom really likes when you sit in her lap at night. So why are you on top of her head?

35. You know how cute you are, don’t you?

That’s all the questions I have for now.  See you soon.sleeping

*He really does: @rileypupgram

**This is serious. Literally as I was writing this post, I received the following email from my wife, who’s a real estate agent: “I noticed a bin of newspapers at the open house I’m at. I asked owner if it was recycling. JACKPOT!” Thank goodness I haven’t succumbed to reading the newspapers online.


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5 Responses to Entry 428: Questions For Our Puppy

  1. CB says:

    We use a jingle bell tied to a string that hangs low enough for the dogs to hit it with their noses. Each time its time to go potty, we go to the door and say, OUT, and hit the bell, to signal it as the command we want THEM to learn. Soon they will be hitting the bell to tell you that they need to go potty! We’ve had a bell on our back door now for almost 9 years!
    We are on our seventh sheltie, (the 3rd with this system), and it works like a charm. Later on in life, you will hear that bell from just about any room in the house – if you have a BIG house, you can hang a secondary bell in the middle of the house for them to alert you to go to the back door. We even bring a bell with us on vacation, to hang in the hotel room!

    The running around thing – “Sheltie Zoomies” or “Psycho Puppy Run” – definitely a sheltie thing!
    And yes – he really does love you THAT much! 🙂

  2. markhal says:

    We tried the bell thing with our first sheltie, and it worked great…until he figured out that whenever he rang the bell, we’d come running from anywhere in the house, so he’d ring it even if he just wanted to play.

  3. Pingback: Entry 471: A Few Things My Puppy Would Probably Like to Ask Me | The Upsizers

  4. Pingback: Entry 478: Do You Really Want to Know What Your Pet is Thinking? | The Upsizers

  5. Pingback: Do You Really Want to Know What Your Pet Is Thinking? | The Upsizers

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