Entry 426: Quickies II

Often I come across stupid things that either aren’t stupid enough to justify a full post, or I can’t think of enough snarky comments to write about them.

And so, as I’ve done in the past, I’ve collected a bunch of these “Quickies,” and present them to you now in a single package.


Trident has unveiled a new product: unwrapped gum. It’s regular Trident, only without k2-_066c465e-5d69-4052-b18a-f4cae101164f.v1[1]the wrappers around each piece. I assume they did focus groups on this. “Oh, what a wonderful idea,” one person must have said. “I really enjoy Trident, but I just don’t have the time to take the wrappers off.” “I would chew Trident,” someone else must have declared, “if only it wasn’t so difficult to get the darned wrappers off.”

I was about to ask the obvious question: How lazy do the makers of Trident think Americans are? But then my daughter informed me that Trident is actually being quite trendy and that all the better candies and gums are taking off their wrappers. For one thing, she says, it’s better for the environment. For another, it’s safer while driving if you can just reach into a tub (that fits conveniently into the cupholder) and grab a piece of gum without having to fiddle with the wrapper. I guess I can see that. But which hand would you grab the gum with: the one holding the steering wheel or the one texting?


The latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog has a toaster that can imprint each slice with Selfie-Toaster-1024x576-1a4881a7f53439e41[1]someone’s picture. I’m not entirely sure if it’s meant as the perfect gift for the egomaniac in your life or a way to pay tribute to a loved one with a bread-based portrait. I do know, however, that it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “buttering someone up.”


When Jon Stewart announced that he’ll be leaving The Daily Show, he opened the show by telling TV viewers that many of them probably knew something the people in the studio audience didn’t. He meant that, by the time the show (which is taped in the early evening) was broadcast at 11pm ET, the people who watched the show live would have blabbed the big news on social media, but that they themselves didn’t know it yet, because he hadn’t mentioned it yet, but if you were watching on TV, you knew it even though the people who essentially told you about it didn’t know it. I believe this is as close as we have come to time travel.


The Sunday Times Crossword for February 15 had “TTYL” for one of the answers. AFAIC, texting has no place in legitimate crossword puzzles. I mean, you could basically just throw together any random assortment of letters and claim that it’s a text abbreviation. (In case you’re even more out of touch than I am, “Talk to You Later” and “As Far as I’m Concerned.”)


So Saturday Night Live just celebrated 20 years of laughs. Too bad it took 40 years to provide them. In any case, there were a few things that bothered me about the gorch2[1]anniversary show:

  1. Jeez, some of the people got old.
  2. There was no mention that Jim Henson and his Muppets were part of the orignial cast.
  3. They seem to think that acknowledging their shortcomings (reliance on catchphrases, sketches running too long, etc.) makes them okay.
  4. The entire current cast was not yet born when SNL premiered.


hansonThere is a movement afoot to recognize America’s real first president, someone named John Hanson. Evidently, Hanson was the president of the Continental Congress following the ratification of the Articles of Confederation. He served from November 3, 1781 to November 5, 1782–years before Washington. The movement to recognize him is largely being perpetrated by his descendants, who no doubt would like to see their ancestor appear more prominently in history books. I just bet they’d like to see John Hanson’s picture on some money, too. “Yup,” a modern-day Hanson would say to the woman he was trying to pick up at the bar. “That’s great great great great gramps on the $10 bill. Wanna go to my place?” Then he and the woman would step outside the bar and get shot by a descendant of Andrew Jackson.


Intellectually, I know that the winter we’ve been having in the Northeast does nothing to disprove global warming, and that, counter-intuitively (as much of science is), it’s probably even being caused by global warming. Still, I’d hate to be in charge of the February fundraising drive for StopGlobalWarmingNow.org, New England Division.


Since getting our new puppy, I have learned that no matter how insightful my with barbobservations, no matter how wry my wit, no matter how timely the topic, no post I will ever write will get as many “LIKES” as a picture of Riley.

So here, and see you soon.

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