Entry 391: The Wedding Blog Part XXXV: Finally! Episode 2

Continued from last post: my account of the big day, with comments from the bride herself in bold.
7:00–We are cued to begin walking. We are not marching, or trying to keep time with aislemusic or anything. Later, on the dance floor, this will be revealed to be wise choice.

CASEY: The music has started and everyone is walking ahead to no particular rhythm. I somehow get to the end of the aisle and immediately forget everything we had rehearsed.

Jim, Casey’s long-time friend and the evening’s official sham minister, conducts the ceremony, which is a combination of vows, traditions and a Friar’s Club Roast. It is exactly the right mixture of warmth and humor. The best line is Jim’s blessing for the wine: “Baruch attah Adonoi and I don’t know the rest.”

ceremonyI feel a little woozy standing there, although I’ve had nothing to drink.  I could blame it on the emotions of the moment, or the heat in the bridal suite, or nerves, but I’d rather blame it (in my head) on Barbara for making us stay standing after walking Casey down the aisle.

Lots of people later mention what a perfect ceremony it was, and nobody in the crowd yelled “Blasphemy!”, so I guess it went over pretty well, as I knew it would. I highly recommend having a friend perform such rituals instead of clergy you barely know.
7:10–Wine sipped, glass (actually a light bulb) broken, lips kissed, and they’re married. Again.

CASEY: Jim runs a beautiful, funny ceremony. After we say “I do,” and the symbolic glass is smashed, I realize I have no idea what to do next. Alex grabs my hand and we walk out to cries of “Mazel Tov.”
CASEY: 7:20–Alex and I are alone in the holding room while everyone else goes to the cocktail hour. We have been told to use this moment to take in what just happened. I try my best.
7:30-8:30–Cocktail hour. People are spread out along the whole serpentine route, which works well, because it doesn’t seem like any area is too crowded. The only problem is that very few people get to the very end, which is a shame, because that’s where the lobster and caviar station is.  (If you were at the wedding and were too lazy to go that far, sorry you missed it.*)

As I patrol the long hallway, people congratulate me as if I did something. Also, I can’t help noticing that the strolling violinist we got at extra cost is mostly staying in one place.  I’m pretty sure if we conduct a poll of our guests tomorrow and one of the questions is, “What did you think of the violinist?” many people would not know we had one.  I suspect that would be true of many of the nice little “touches” we paid for, just like many people don’t seem to be aware of the lobster and caviar station.**

Cell phone photos are already being uploaded via an app called Wedding Party. By my fishestimation, approximately 57% of the first pictures from my daughter’s wedding are of fish.

CASEY: My cousins discover the open bar. They’ve never experienced an open bar before. Uh oh.
8:30–Dinner time. Everyone is ushered into the main room. Some of them seem surprised that there actually are seals there, even though we’ve been telling people for months that “We’ll be eating with the seals.” Maybe they thought it was some sort of euphemism, like “sleeping with the fishes.”

roomThe band introduces Casey and Alex “for the first time as husband and wife,” and they enter to rousing applause. Their first dance is to a song called “Stuck On You” which Casey heard in a cat food commercial. It’s a pretty song, although in questionable taste considering the venue.

CASEY: We get introduced, we dance in a way that reminds me of middle school, and the party begins. I turn my back for two seconds to discover one inebriated party guest is dirty dancing with Alex. He remarks to me later, “It’s true what they say about wedding rings…put one on and the ladies are all over you!”
8:45–Barb and I are introduced to give the first toast. I am apprehensive, because I have sealsdecided to take a huge risk and insert a version of the line I had just thought of that morning, about it taking the same amount of time to give Casey away as it did to get her in the first place. This entails moving some other things around, and I am doing this on the fly, in my head, virtually ad libbed. So I do the line, which comes early on, and it gets a big laugh, and I even get a rimshot from the drummer, which is nice, but totally derails my train of thought, so that I have to take a second to recover and get back on track.

Did I mention I don’t like public speaking?

Anyway, I segue smoothly to Barbara who orders everyone to raise their glasses.

CASEY: My father gives the first of the speeches. I can cry now, right?
8:56–Alex’s father Fred gives his toast, going for a heartfelt tone rather than my more Seinfeldian approach. This is followed by Casey’s cousins, Evan and Jason, recounting embarrassing stories from their childhood which were embarrassing mostly because of Casey. (This includes the episode in which Casey conducted a seance to speak to their dead grandmother and told Evan to ask her a question. Evan wanted to know if he’d be successful. After a moment of concentration, Casey replied “Grandma Inge says ‘no.’”)
9:06–So many people come up to me to tell me how wonderful everything is. Some of them are beginning to look vaguely familiar.

CASEY: 9:10–My cousins are really enjoying the open bar. 

***************************************************************                       10:03–Time for the father/daughter, mother/son dance. Casey and I rock back and forth dance2 in place. Alex is almost as bad a dancer as I am, particularly with slow dances, when he  can’t do what he does during fast numbers, which is essentially bounce up and down. As for me, well I used to allow Barbara one dance per affair, but after 30 years, she finally said, “Really, can we not dance any more?”


10:06–I’m not going to mention names, but some people here are really drunk.

****************************************************************************** 10:38–Some folks are starting to feel really tired. And by “some folks,” I mean “me.”


11:30–The first bus leaves taking people back to the hotel. My mother is on it.


11:36–Elizabeth taps me on the shoulder and hands me a hearing aid, which is not a thing that people often give you at parties. It is my mother’s. How the hell do you lose a hearing aid?


11:38–It’s mostly the young’uns on the dance floor now. By “young’uns,” of course, I mean 20-somethings. I’m beginning to notice some interesting pairings.


12:15am–People go toward the front door to catch the second bus to the hotel. They are still there a half hour later, because the bus got trapped in the hotel parking lot by a broken-down car. In other words, the whole complicated affair has come off without a hitch until the very last thing.

Only the die-hards dancing now. Pairings getting even more interesting, with increasingly less regard for gender. Also, someone has taken my tuxedo jacket. It had been on the back of my chair, and now it’s gone. Perhaps one of the groomsmen is compensating for the missing pants.


1:00–We load the leftover scotch, presents, flowers, etc. into the car. The bus finally gets back and picks up the remaining people. The seals are safe.

There are also a lot of pre-paid parking tickets left over.  We’ll be able to park free in Norwalk for months…but only at night.

Back at the hotel, the young people, America’s future, go into the hotel bar or retire to their room with one of the leftover bottles of scotch. Final pairings to be discovered in the morning.

CASEY: The wedding is done and my feet hurt like crazy. We load onto the final bus and all my friends make plans to meet in the hotel bar for an after party. Alex and I decide we’ll change and join them.
CASEY: 1:30–In our room, Alex and I sit down, and then immediately pass out. How romantic!
CASEY 8:00am–Alex wakes up, looks at the ring on his finger and says, “whoa…how drunk did I coupleget last night?”
And that’s it. There may be some post-nup depression ahead of us, but all-in-all, I think everything came together nicely.

Unfortunately, the world is still filled with idiots, and I’ll return to talking about them with my next post.

See you soon.

*Kidding.  **Still kidding…about the lobster and caviar.  There was a violinist, though.  Sorry you missed him.

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4 Responses to Entry 391: The Wedding Blog Part XXXV: Finally! Episode 2

  1. davidd says:

    Congratulations to everyone involved! Best wishes to Casey and Alex for a wonderful future together!

    I’m really going to miss this entertaining series of “wedding update” posts! I hope at some point you come up with another long-running project-in-the-making series.

    The commentary inserts by Casey have been an amusing touch. I hope she continues to make cameo appearances in these posts.

  2. markhal says:

    Thank you, David. Hope you’ll keep reading my non-serial posts.

  3. Vinny says:

    I really thought there was lobster. I know I had some. And I am intrigued by your setup about idiots in the world. Who woulda thunk it!

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