Entry 325: The Wedding Blog Part XII: Surprise!

I’d like to take time out from writing about my daughter’s wedding in October to talk about other people’s weddings.

Sarah’s, for instance.

You see, I occasionally receive an email from WordPress, which is the site on which this blog exists, telling me that someone liked one of my posts or has become a follower. Getting one of those emails is always the highlight of my week, which shows you how exciting my life is.

These emails tell me if the person who liked my post has a blog of their own, and invites me to “go see what they’re up to.” Sometimes I do, if they don’t sound too frightening (some topics I write about attract a few odd readers).

Anyway, there’s one person who seems to always like these wedding posts, so I visited her blog, “Our Detroit Wedding,” which is also about planning a wedding, although in her case, it’s her own. And her name is Sarah.

Sarah’s been planning her wedding, or at least blogging about it, since last September. She not only writes about her own wedding preparations, she provides helpful links for other brides-to-be. This makes her much nicer than me, since I’m just in this blogging thing for the yuks, although–and I hope she doesn’t take this the wrong way–I’m not sure it’s wise to take wedding advice from someone who has chosen Detroit for a destination wedding. (“Bahamas? Too far.” “Seattle? Too solvent.” “I know! How about Detroit?”)

Hah, there I am, going for yuks again. I’m assuming the wedding will be in Detroit because Sarah lives there. Of course, getting married in Detroit does have one advantage: it’s probably a good way to keep the number of out-of-town guests to a minimum.*

I looked through some of Sarah’s posts, and she seems to have a thing or two in common with my uktv-doctor-who-peter-capaldi[1]daughter Casey (pictured below, with fiancé Alex and a bridge), such as they were both more excited about a new actor playing Doctor Who than their coming nuptials. (I was surprised that someone in Detroit would be a Doctor Who fan since the TARDIS** is obviously an imported vehicle.)

Sarah seemed to be a bit calmer about her preparations than Casey, so I wondered when her big day will be. It’s in May!

Of 2015.

Considering my family went from engagement to fully-planned wedding in under two bridgemonths, I can’t even imagine what we would have done with that much time. For one thing, it seems plausible that, with many more months available to visit venues, either Casey or my wife Barbara would now be up on homicide charges, and the one of them who wasn’t wouldn’t be attending the wedding anyway because of her role in the murder, which would have been being the victim.

I’m sure that, with a year and a half available, Casey would have taken on a massive do-it-yourself invitation project, possibly one that would have involved power tools. We would have probably listened to a few hundred more wedding band renditions of “Turn the Beat Around,” gazed at a couple of dozen more gauzy photographs of various husbands leering at various wives’ garters, and become nauseous by ingesting additional buttercreamed cake samples.

So it’s just as well that we had a condensed schedule.

One reason why Sarah is taking her sweet time is that her fiancé Nick is off at school on the island of Dominica, which geographically defies logic by not being home to the Dominican Republic (which is on the island of Hispaniola). I looked it up, and Dominica is between Guadaloupe and Martinique, which explains its motto: “Why don’t we have a Club Med?” Nevertheless, I’m sure Sarah is proud of how brave Nick was to have spent this past winter in the Caribbean. (I hope I’m not tempting fate by talking about this winter in the past tense.)

Anyway, to show that I can sometimes be nice, I’d like to provide a helpful link for her.  It’s about a new kind of wedding that would be perfect for Sarah and her beau, because he wouldn’t even have to know about it.

I speak, of course, about surprise weddings.

This is a hot trend in New York City, where people do much sillier things than they do in Detroit. What happens is, you invite a bunch of people someplace for a made-up reason, say a going away party, and, when everyone is there, you announce, “Surprise, this is really our wedding!” And then it turns out the guy who’d been serving drinks is really the minister, and the bride dramatically rips off her cute sun dress to reveal a full-length wedding gown.

Or something like that.

One reason surprise weddings are becoming popular is that they eliminate much of the downside of a wedding, like the huge expense and most of the guests. Of course, you also eliminate all of the gifts. People may bring presents to the event, but they’ll be comical gag gifts having to do with whatever the fake occasion was (“Wait, you’re not moving to Honolulu?  Then you’ll look silly in this grass skirt, Tom.”) instead of that dinnerware set you would have registered for but couldn’t, because you didn’t have a registry, because then everyone would have known you were getting married, and that would have ruined the surprise.

So, Sarah, I can see it now: Nick gets off the plane at Wayne County Airport, and you greet him at baggage claim with the horrible news that you do, in fact, still live in Detroit.*** You tell him that, to make it up to him, you’ve put together a little welcome home party which, obviously, is exactly how he’s been thinking he’d spend his first night back with you. You go directly to Roger’s Roost, your favorite romantic restaurant with a kids’ menu, for their world-famous Rhino Burgers.^ And there are all your close friends. “Welcome home, Nick!” they all shout. And then you say, “I have a little surprise for all of you, especially Nick. We’re getting married. Right now!”

Can you just imagine the adorable look on Nick’s face?

Of course, the whole surprise wedding thing isn’t supposed to be a surprise for the people getting married. The article I’ve provided a link to actually describes a situation in which the groom surprised the bride with their wedding, It did not end well.

But guests at such affairs seem to think it’s a very cool and romantic way to get married.

It’s not for my daughter, though. She’s been planning her wedding since she was about five years old.

See you soon, and best wishes to Sarah and Nick.

*If anyone who loves Detroit is planning on being in Connecticut soon, please don’t hurt me. I’m just kidding.  **A TARDIS is a vehicle that travels through space and time and yet gets better gas mileage than a Chevy Impala.  ***Really, please don’t hurt me.  ^I looked it up. Three cheeses, bacon, mushrooms, onions and peppers for just $8.99, which may actually make it worthwhile to live in Detroit, although Roger’s Roost is not technically in Detroit but in Stirling Heights, which I’m assuming is a suburb where people who work in Detroit go when they’re not in Windsor, Canada.^^ 

^^Still kidding.

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7 Responses to Entry 325: The Wedding Blog Part XII: Surprise!

  1. sekyellow says:

    Haha I love this! I have so much to say…
    Yes, metro-Detroit is where we live. And yes, Detroit is dangerous and all that, but so long as you stay in the heart of downtown you’re actually just fine. All the theaters, sports arenas, and hipster bars are congregated within, like, a square mile. Big bonus of spending time in a city that no one wants to be in or visit – there is never ANY city traffic! I really love Detroit, it’s like a hidden gem that’s neither hidden nor a gem.
    Regarding the long engagement – yeah it’s definitely lent to over-researching vendors and such. Luckily we’ve already got so much done though, because once Nick goes on rotations we could be anywhere in the US and it’d be much more difficult to plan remotely.
    And yes, poor Nick was sooo brave to have 78 degrees and sunny all winter. What’s up with Dominica having nothing to do with the Dominican Republic anyway?! Who has two thumbs and is equally as confused… this girl.
    Also, we TOTALLY went to Roger’s Roost with his family during his most recent break at home as his going-away! We should definitely have a surprise wedding there and nom nom on all the delicious free popcorn they give out. For any visitors, the best part of Roger’s Roost is that in the women’s bathroom is a statue of a Native American, and if anyone lifts up his little loin cloth, a big sign in the main dining area lights up “SHE LOOKED!”
    ^^Impressed with your understanding of Sterling Heights, Detroit, and Windsor

  2. Pingback: Our Detroit Wedding is Featured in The Upsizers! | Our Detroit Wedding

  3. diyplusme says:

    LOL!!! OK, I follow “Our Detroit Wedding” and I am so glad Sarah has a great sense of humor, because some people truly lack that in this world, and it’s a shame. Roger…you are hilarious! I was one of those engaged forever brides, I researched to the point of nauseum and I DID use powertools in my FIRST round of wedding invites. You are spot on. I hope your daughter’s big day is awesome! And pray that she and your wife both make bail before the ceremony 😉

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