Well, if you’ve been reading these posts about my daughter’s upcoming wedding at the Norwalk Aquarium, even if you live on another continent and have no idea who we are, you’re probably wondering what sort of gift you might get the happy couple.
Glad you asked.
For your convenience, my daughter Casey and her fiancé Alex have registered.
About this time last year, I did a post about all the new kinds of registries out there. You could have people buy you the various parts of an automobile, for instance. Or you could register for the components of a honeymoon (“Oh, honey, my 98-year-old Aunt Thelma bought us this 4-handed massage.”)
However, Casey and Alex did an old-fashioned wedding registry. You know, the usual stuff: dishes, glasses, silverware, linens, cookware, a 65-piece tool set and so forth. But even an old-fashioned registry uses newfangled technology these days. Everything is automated, databased, and digital.
You can still go to a store to register, but you’ll run around with a wand like a demented Harry Potter, scanning things virtually at random. This allows you to impulsively scan stuff into your registry that you had no idea you wanted, like a churro maker. You just know that people who do their registries this way open their gifts and say, “Really? We registered for that?”
Casey and Alex, however, opted for the full Web-based registry experience, which allowed them to go to just about any online store and register for just about anything and have it all go on one convenient site, easily accessible from their very own web page which has all the information anyone could possibly want to know about their wedding except the names of the aquarium’s giant sea turtles.
I don’t know if there’s a way for people without a computer or Internet access to see what they’ve registered for. But then my mother is probably going to give them cash anyway.
Casey’s and Alex’s registry has stuff from Bloomingdale’s, Amazon, CutCo and Crate & Barrel & Bed & Bath & Beyond (they really should merge, shouldn’t they?). They have all the usual registry items on there, plus a few things I didn’t even know existed, like a Soyajoy G4 Soy Milk Maker so they’ll be able to make their own soy milk, which I guess is more practical than owning your own soy cow.*
I’m almost surprised Casey didn’t register for a hedgehog. I know she’s always wanted one.
They have some really cheap things on their registry, too, like a basting brush and a three-tier cooking grid for $9.99 each. I would like to know in advance who’s going to give them one of these items because, well, we’re trying to whittle down the invitation list, if you get my drift.
On the other hand, I’m told that all the things in their registry are not necessarily meant as wedding gifts. The months leading up to a wedding are chock full of gift-giving opportunities: engagement announcements, showers, “I’m Milking This for All It’s Worth” parties, etc. So maybe the smaller stuff is meant for those occasions.
I also think there are some things they should add to their registry. One night, my wife Barbara was making dinner and couldn’t find her cast iron skillet. “Just tell Casey to register for an extra one,” I suggested. “Is there anything else we need?”
Yes, Casey and Alex’s registry is full of Keurigs and Mieles and Cuisinarts. But, of course, what they’d really like to register for, if they could do so without being obnoxious, are Franklins and Grants and McKinleys. Barbara and I would prefer that as well, because Casey and Alex live in a very small apartment, so just about every actual gift they receive will end up in our basement for the short term.
Perhaps the Treasury Department could start a registry.
As a social experiment, I’d like to amass a collection of couples’ wedding registries and then fix it so they only received cash. The idea would be to find out how many things from their registry they’d actually go buy. I’ll bet not many of them would run out and purchase that $629 Raynaud salad bowl they registered for.**
I’ll tell you this, though: Casey and Alex would probably purchase a soy milk maker.
See you soon.
*Casey would very much like all my readers to know that the soy milk maker was Alex’s idea.
**You will not find anything like this on Casey and Alex’s registry. They are simple people with simple tastes who would be terrified of breaking a $629 salad bowl.