Entry 306: Like Taking Kanye from a Baby

Let me start this post by saying that I know very little about Kanye West. In ways too  numerous to mention, I am decidedly not in his key demographic.imagesCA15130Z

Here is the complete list of things I know about him:

  1. He is married to one of those Kardashian people who seem to be famous for no apparent reason.
  2. He has something to do with music and, if I had to go out on a limb in Final Jeopardy, I’d say he’s a rap artist. I’m pretty sure he had nothing to do with “Call Me Maybe.”

I think that pretty much covers what I know.

But now I’ve discovered that Mr. West is so much more than a cultural phenomenon I’m vaguely aware of. For one thing, he is a messiah.

Yes, that’s right. There is a religion, Yeezianity (rhymes with “insanity”), based on the life and teachings of Kanye West. The Church of Yeezus (really!) believes…

“…that the one who calls himself Yeezus is a divine being who has been sent by God to usher in a New Age of humanity. We believe that the days where mankind must trade his labor for money in order to buy the things he needs is coming to an end. We believe that a New Age is beginning where all people will unlock their creative powers and the competitive struggle for money and power will no longer be necessary.”

Well, there’s something new I just learned about Kanye: apparently he now calls himself Yeezus. Jikes! It’s becoming so difficult to keep track of musicians’ names these days. Puff Daddy, Snoop Lion, the artist who used to be known as the artist who used to be known as Prince…why can’t theykanye-west-yeezus-album-download[1] be like the stars of our era and pick one nice, normal name and stick with it?  You know, like Sting.

In case you’re a skeptic and don’t think the Church of Yeezus is a real thing, I invite you to visit its very professional website, where it humbly proclaims itself to be “The best church of all time!” I imagine they’re using the word “church” to mean a religion, rather than a physical structure, because I have a suspicion that the physical structure here is some lunatic’s bedroom.

Speaking of which, said lunatic, who is Anonymous (not his real name), is quoted thusly in a news story:  “In a lot of ways, after I created it, I reflected on it and thought that this was just a rehashing of Christianity, but just throwing Yeezus instead of Jesus. And you know what? That’s why I felt Kanye did it.”

That’s very enlightening, don’t you think, this theory that Kanye may have just been kidding around, playing with the name and so forth? The most amazing thing about it is that the founder only realized that after he created a whole new religion, not to mention a website, based on it. It had never previously occurred to Anonymous that “Yeezus” was just a take-off on Jesus. That’s exactly the sort of brain power I want behind a new religion!

Now, I’m not implying that everything about Yeezianity is nutty. There is, for instance, this very sane aspect to the religion:

“Our membership is entirely anonymous. We insist that all of our members do not disclose their beliefs to anyone except those they know also to be members.”

While that policy may put a damper on the religion’s missionary efforts, it’s probably an excellent idea, especially if you work for a government agency like the Yustice Department or a major corporation like Yohnson & Yohnson. If you tell your colleagues that you’re a Yeezian, they won’t know if you’re talking about a religion or your home planet.

Seriously, though, maybe there’s something to this. After all, what was Jesus but the Kanye of his time, rapping to his peeps until the Romans got all up in his grill?  (This, by the way, would make the apostles the bloggers of their day.) For that matter. I don’t think it’s in the Bible, but maybe there was some guy before that named Meesus, and Jesus was just riffing on him.

The two core beliefs of Yeezianity appear to be the unleashing of mankind’s creativity and changing the way we think about money. They believe that money should be “unnecessary except as a means of exchange.”

I’m sorry, but isn’t that all money is? I mean, very few people are collecting it for its artwork.

And, anyway, if Yeezus really wanted to change money as we know it, he wouldn’t have had a problem with…

…Coinyes.

coinye-640x468[1]That would be an attempt to create a virtual, digital currency similar to Bitcoin (don’t get me started), only with a “logo of a cartoon fish wearing Kanye West’s signature shutter shades.”*^

Kanye, who is perfectly okay having a little fun with the name of one of your major saviors, was not amused at this little satirical jab at one of your major egotists. According to The Independent, he filed a trademark infringement lawsuit on the grounds that “it used the rapper’s image to cash in on his popularity without his consent, damaging his reputation and confusing consumers about the source of the cryptocurrency.”

Boy, it’s a good thing he nipped this in the bud. We wouldn’t want consumers to get confused about cryptocurrency, would we?

See you soon.

*A Yeezus fish?

^Oh, goody–something else I now know about Kanye West. He wears shutter shades. Although, I must say, I did a Google image search and couldn’t find a single photo of him wearing them!

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