Entry 236: You May Not Be Smart Enough to Read This

A new study suggests that people have gotten dumber since the Victorian Era. This was already obvious to anyone who didn’t need a new study to know that people have gotten dumber since the Victorian Era.

Seriously, they needed a study for this? Haven’t they ever purchased something in a store and watched in horror as the cashier had to glance at the digital readout to know how much change to give from $2.00 on a $1.99 purchase?

TLC_Logo_Only[1]I mean, all they had to do was look at the programming schedule of the TLC Network, which includes such highbrow television as Say Yes to the Dress, America’s Worst Tattoos, and Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, and recall that the “TLC” in the TLC Network originally stood for The Learning Channel.

What’s particularly troubling about this study is that folks in the Victorian Era were themselves, as the saying went at the time, a few colonies short of an empire. This is evidenced by a popular joke of the mid-1800’s, which was introduced during the brief variety theater careers of Charles Dickens and Charles Darwin (known as “The Two Chucks”):

Dickens: How many of we Victorian Era people does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Darwin: What’s a light bulb?

poster_2chucks

 

Speaking of Darwin, would you believe that people in the Victorian Era were so stupid, many didn’t even believe Chuck Two’s Theory of Evolution!  Of course, many Americans still don’t believe in evolution, which just goes to show you that our intellect hasn’t deteriorated that much.

My point is that by comparing us to the Victorians, the researchers aren’t setting the bar very high. So for them to tell us that we’re dumber than a dollymop is quite an insult…if you’re even smart enough to know that a dollymop was a 19th Century term for a part-time prostitute and a word I selected solely for its alliterative qualities from a glossary of Victorian slang.

However, it does provide a segue to what the authors of the study cite as the cause of our declining intelligence. Exhibiting the type of extreme sexist attitudes that you normally associate with stupid people, the researchers who put out this study blame our shrinking smarts on…

….women.

Now if you’re one of the rare women smart enough to still be reading this, you may be wondering who the researchers were, and how they might be contacted, possibly via ricin-laced correspondence.

Well, the study was done at the University of Amsterdam, which is probably a true institute of higher learning, if you’re clever enough to get my drift. (I put the key word in italics to help you. You see, marijuana is legal in Amsterdam, so…oh, never mind.) The co-author of the study was Dr. Jan te Nijenhuis, a name I assume people in The Netherlands know how to pronounce.

And, yes, the study did, in fact, blame civilization’s soaring stupidity on women. But don’t worry, all you Bridezillas fans–Dr. Nijenhuis isn’t pointing the finger at you. No, this Dutch mister thinks only smart women are at fault. It seems that women of high intelligence tend to have fewer children than do women of lower intelligence, thus shoving the most discerning DNA into the shallow end of humanity’s gene pool.

smart sexyTo make a long story short, the researchers are basically saying that you smart women need to put out more and have more output.

Otherwise, in a few generations, we’ll all be a few light years short of warp speed.

If you get my drift.

See you soon.

P.S. “2 Chucks” poster designed by Casey Hallen.

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