Well, if you’re looking for a last-minute Christmas gift, I have just the thing: the new home entertainment system just announced by Sony.
Under normal circumstances, this would not be a huge deal, since electronics companies like Sony and Samsung come out with new models on what seems like a daily basis, each adding awesome new features that no normal person will ever figure out how to use.
But this new system from Sony is different. Really different. Because it’s 4K.
In case you’re wondering why this is so exciting, allow me to quote from Sony’s press release:
The new 4K Ultra HD Video Player is a hard-disc server that connects easily to Sony’s 84-inch 4K LED TV (XBR-84X900) allowing consumers to view 4K resolution movies and short form 4K videos. Available as a bonus loaned exclusively to U.S. customers purchasing the Sony 4K LED TV, the video player comes loaded with content, including both full length Hollywood features and a gallery of videos, creating the first true home 4K experience.
Can you even imagine sitting in your very own living room, watching a movie in 4K? I can’t, primarily because I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
To me, 4K sounds like the distance of a relay race. What’s a K? A kilobyte? A kilogram? A kettle? And how many K’s are in the brand new TV we just bought a few months ago? That TV is 3D; is a D bigger or smaller than a K? Am I better off having 3D than 4K? I know I’d rather have 3GB than 4MB; maybe it’s the same thing with Ds and Ks.
And how much higher than high definition is “ultra high definition?” I think there may be a limit to how much definition a human being can take. Will there come a point when we’ll be reading about thousands of people breaking their new televisions because they tried to walk into the screens?
Also, what is this business about “a bonus loaned exclusively to U.S. customers purchasing the Sony 4K LED TV?” First, I’m not sure you can “loan” a “bonus.” More important, how do I know that a bunch of Japanese guys aren’t going to show up at my house unannounced wanting their 4K Ultra HD Video Player back?
Among the movies pre-loaded onto the hard disc server that they will so generously loan you are The Amazing Spiderman, Total Recall (2012), The Karate Kid (2010), Salt, Battle Los Angeles, Bad Teacher and That’s My Boy. These are probably not the best choices. It may actually be undesirable for those movies to be in higher definition since it will be that much clearer how bad they are. Somebody should tell Sony that while their technology may improve the picture quality, it can’t improve the movie quality.
I wanted to see if I could tell how much difference the extra Ks made, so my family and I went to see The Hobbit, which is shown in 4K and 3D, which equals 7H. Or at least the movie seemed like it was 7 hours long. My daughter thought it looked like a video game. My wife thought it was like one of those motion rides at Disney World only without the seat actually moving, which is just as well, as that makes her nauseous. I just thought it was boring, which had nothing to do with the increased definition or the number of dimensions, but, rather, an excruciatingly long dwarves-eating-food scene at the beginning.
I certainly wouldn’t buy a home entertainment system just to make everything look like this, especially since (and I’ve saved the best part for last) the MSRP of the Sony system is $24,999.99, which works out to roughly $6,300 per K.
But even then, that Adam Sandler movie is still going to suck.
See you soon.