Entry 111: Call Me Mayor

We’ve lived in a rental, a co-op, a condo and now a real, stand-alone house.

So where do we go from here?

Well, now that we’ve got this whole home ownership thing down, and we’ve lived here almost a year without reducing the place to a pile of rubble, I’m thinking we should get our own town.

There have been several on the market recently, for very reasonable prices. For instance, I had my eye on the French village of Courbefy, which could be had for just $436,370 and included 19 buildings and a swimming pool There were drawbacks, however, such as the fact that it was in France. I realize some people might think that was a good thing, but when I say “France,” I don’t mean real places like Paris, or Cannes. Courbefy is in Limousin, which is French for “the middle of nowhere,” and from which we get the English word “car.”

Another drawback to Courbefy is that, according to the real estate listing, it is now filled mostly with thieves, drunks and squatters. Clearly, French realtors need to take some lessons from their American counterparts, who would certainly tell prospective buyers that Courbefy was “part of a diverse community where all professions are welcomed.”

I then looked into Valle Piola, a medieval Italian village with 11 crumbling stone buildings, two shepherds’ houses, and a half-ruined 13th-century church. This village was pricier at $770,000, and I couldn’t find anyone to answer my questions, such as:

  1. Do the shepherds’ houses have central air?
  2. Which half of the church is ruined, the half with the pews or the half with the salvageable gold religious icons and priceless frescoes?
  3. Is there also a half-ruined synagogue nearby?
  4. Does the local pizza place deliver?

In the absence of that information, I continued my search and, lo and behold, I found the perfect place right here in the good ol’ USA for just $100,000.

The town is Buford, Wyoming (State Slogan: “We’re here just so Wisconsin isn’t last alphabetically.”). It actually still has people living in it (well, okay, it’s got a person living in it), and it’s not even that remote. It’s just 28 miles from Cheyenne, a thriving town with a population of about 50,000, many of whom don’t have hooves.  Unfortunately, much of that 28 miles must be straight up, since the elevation of Buford is 8,000 feet (2,000 feet higher than Cheyenne). That would undoubtedly cause me to give up some things I enjoy doing, like breathing.

On the plus side, the sale price includes:

  • The Buford Trading Post, a convenience store and gasoline station (that’s all one thing).
  •  It’s own zip code.
  • A Union Wireless cellular tower (sure, there I’ll get bars).
  • Five buildings, including a three-bedroom home, a 1905 schoolhouse, a garage and a 1900s cabin. I don’t think I want to ask what the fifth building is.
  • About 10 acres of land.
  • Ample parking.

And think of it: my wife Barbara and I could literally double the town’s population just by moving there. We could put down our stakes, get a few head of cattle (maybe even the bodies, too) and perhaps some sheep, as long as they didn’t take up too many of the parking spaces. We’d enjoy a pioneer existence far away from the maddening crowds of downtown Cheyenne.

Speaking of which, do you think the Cheyenne Pizza Hut can keep the pies warm until they get to Buford?

See you soon. You know, when you come to Buford.

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4 Responses to Entry 111: Call Me Mayor

  1. janice weiss says:

    i could have a teaching job again at the little schoolhouse!!

  2. Pingback: Entry 134: In 20,000 Leagues of Its Own | The Upsizers

  3. Pingback: Entry 586: That’s a Great Idea, Jong-Un | The Upsizers

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