Entry 52: End of Season Patio Sale

We need some advice about patio furniture.

Back at our old townhouse condo, we had a deck with two of those new-fangled, multi-positionable, anti-gravity reclining lounge chairs and a large table that was used primarily for Barbara’s plants, so you could never actually put food on it although, if you were going fishing, you could conceivably dig on the table for earthworms.

Now we have a deck with the same two chairs and a small table just large enough to hold a couple of drinks. And a cordless phone, in case someone calls the house while we’re out there. And two BlackBerrys, so Barb and I can check email without the exercise of actually going into the house to do it.

But we also have this huge stone patio. That’s where the large, soil-covered table is now (it has been mostly cleaned). There is also a patio set that Barbara and Casey purchased soon after we moved in because Casey was having friends over. It has approximately 48 pieces and cost about $199, so you can get an idea of the quality. There are two chairs, each with two cushions; a couch with three cushions; two friggin’ ottomans, each with one cushion; two side tables and one coffee table. To this, Barbara added two more chairs, each with one cushion.

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that we spend most of our time outdoors, and that we’re in the habit of inviting most of Stamford over for cocktails. But that is not the case. The fact is, we’ll occasionally go out there and read a book.

Meanwhile, every time there’s rain in the forecast, I dutifully go out and collect all 11 cushions and put them in the garage, where they usually stay until one of us wants to read a book. We could leave the cushions out in the rain, I guess, but then you never really know when they’re dry. They feel dry, but then you sit on them and all the moisture that got absorbed by the padding inside comes to the surface and you end up with a wet ass.

So my homeowner question of the day is, What kind of patio furniture is low-maintenance and comfortable?

We’ve seen lots of iron furniture which seems like it can withstand anything, and is fine for an outdoor meal occasionally, but is about as comfortable as, well, sitting on iron. There are those Adirondack chairs that have been around forever and look as though they were designed for some sort of humanoid farther back on the evolutionary path, when apes descended from the trees but still had sharply-angled backs.  I think these chairs were originally invented to force people to extend their vacations in the Adirondacks because they were unable to get up from the lawn furniture.

So is there some sort of furniture that allows you to relax with a book, or maybe take a nap, or spend a few hours conversing with friends, and not end up with grill lines tattooed on the undersides of your legs? Is there furniture that doesn’t force you to race around collecting cushions every time it rains, like you’re on Beat the Clock (a prehistoric version of Minute to Win It), and yet lets you sit with confidence after it rains, without having to worry about looking like you need Depends?

Or should we just stay the hell indoors?

See you soon.

Kitchen Update: We now have appliances in the kitchen.  They’re not connected to anything, and some are still in boxes, but they’re there!

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One Response to Entry 52: End of Season Patio Sale

  1. janice weiss says:

    We have several mesh stacking chairs we bought at Target a few years ago and they’re comfortable, no pillows. We also have covers that go over the furniture with the pillows still on them.
    So did you like the tile we liked the best?
    Would be nice if they put the juice on in the kitchen for lights and appliances!

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